I'm not really sure how many times I pooped my pants when I was little, but I do remember distinctly how sharp and scrapey it got after it dried...presumably after a few hours of sitting on it. So I'm guessing it may have been a few. I do remember one time though, after being dropped off at a day camp one summer. I can only assume that we were all just going there every day while our parent's were working, and I'll also assume that I was going in order for my dad to not come home to a house that was on fire. Not that it would happen, my dad just never trusted me much. I wasn't allowed to use the stove for 7 years after I left it on one day, and to this day if he ever rides in my car his knuckles are white as he holds onto the edges of his seat and yells at me to stop for stop signs that are a football field away. Anyway, back at the day camp, I was two things that don't mix well. A 6 year old child who had to poop, and overconfident. The overconfidence is a trend that continues, but at the time it got me in some real trouble:
I pooped.
Not alot of poop, just the amount that you don't want in your pants...which is any. Well, as a shy 6 year old, what do you do when you poop your pants around strangers? You sit in it, and hope nobody notices. I actually thought I might get away with it when they told us that we could go down and swim in the pool (a good reason not to ever swim in pools with little kids in them, btw), but they already had me marked down as one of the children who couldn't swim(I'll elaborate the swimming thing in another post), so I was out of luck. Well around this time apparently someone had noticed that the air was thick with poop smell, so first they asked who had been pooping themselves, and when no one would 'fess up, they had us all line up while they smelled us each individually. When they were done I actually thought I had gotten out of it, since after they just sent us on our way to watch a movie. I'll give them this though, they were nice enough to wait until we were all engrossed in the movie to sneak up in the dark and make me follow them to wherever they take the poopy kids to. Being 6, I was sure that this was the end. I had pooped. Everything I had learned told me that this was the wrong thing to do, so I was definitely going to be in some sort of terrible trouble. At this point, I'm actually not exactly sure of all the details of what happened next(probably repressed), but I do remember standing in the shower, bent over, while some kid who worked the camp watched to make sure I got all of the shit off of myself. He seemed old at the time, but looking back he I would say he was probably about 14. At least he was introduced to what the working world is really like at an early age. Afterward they just led me back to the room where everyone was watching the movie, which was almost over. The last thing I remember about the incident is trying desperately to think of some lie that would explain my absence, and my day camp friend looking over at me and my wet hair in jealousy and saying, "You got to go swim?"
"Yep."
