Why I Will Never Go To A Psychiatrist

One of the things that I remember clearly from college was this: Everyone who was majoring in psychology was a complete idiot. Granted, it was also what all the hottest girls were majoring in, but I'm not gonna try to figure out if one was the reason for the other because there's no reason to chase the chicken or the egg stuff in this. The only point I'm trying to make is that if there were people majoring in "I have Down's Syndrome" I would rank them higher on the list of "people I would trust to psychoanalyze me" than the people majoring in psychology. Every girl I had in a class who would ask the professor to repeat every easy concept that he taught several times always turned out to be a majoring in psychology, and I often got shocked looks from people sitting close to me because of all the swearing under my breath, mixed in with various forms of the word "retard" that I would be muttering a little too loudly during those times. Once from the psych major herself, but only because she was sitting directly in front of me and it was either mutter or stab her in the leg with my pen...which I'd been considering.

When I was in third grade I was "diagnosed" with ADD, which really was just more of my teacher telling my dad that I didn't pay attention to whatever it was that she thought she was "teaching" me. I may have had(or still have) what the medical community calls ADD, but checking a medical website shows gives me these as some of the main symptoms:

• procrastination
• disorganized work habits
• frequent shifts from one uncompleted activity to another

Little kids that procrastinate and are disorganized? Please God no. Frequent shifts from one uncompleted activity to another eh? Sounds serious, we'll try surgery next if these methamphamines don't work. But my favorite are the hyperactivity symptoms that can can also be part of this "disease":

• talking excessively
• having difficulty playing quietly or engaging in quiet leisure activities(I'm guessing they mean things like not wanting to sit and watch the TV, and wanting to actually DO something instead, but this is generally considered unacceptable in America's brainless, fatass culture)
• being always on the go

Yeah...wouldn't want little kids to do things like "talk" or "move." Things like that cause parents to actually have to "parent," which is unacceptable when you can just give your kids drugs instead. I remember my session with the psychiatrist when I was 8. She put me in a room with some toys and told me to play with them while I watched, and asked what I was feeling while I played. I was 8...and I distinctly remember knowing she was an idiot.

They ended up putting me on Ritalin, and it actually worked out great. My teacher was raving about how much improvement she could see immediately, my dad was happy, and the medicine actually helped...

...them. I had been going to the nurse at lunch every day to take my pills, pretending to take them, and dropping them in a trashcan in the hall when I left. Never once took one. But I guess that all proved one thing to me. Placebos do work.